


singing in the dead of night

by writingatlast



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, brief mention of guns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27510352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingatlast/pseuds/writingatlast
Summary: A collection of song fics for Emily and JJ, although heavily focused on Emily.Chapter 1: To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	singing in the dead of night

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra
> 
> Set during season 3, episode 4: Children of the dark.

### 

to build a home

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#####  _

This is a place where I don’t feel alone; this is a place where I feel at home

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#####  ______

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__Emily had never really felt like she’d had a home. And yes she knew how, not only pathetic, but cliché that sounded. Poor little ambassador’s daughter, getting everything she wanted, except the love of a family._ _

__

__Growing up was a tumultuous event. From D.C to Europe to the Middle East, she’d never had a chance to fix herself to solid ground. She’d thought for a brief moment that Rome might become a home for her, but that wish was quickly snatched away; there were memories there now she wasn’t sure she’d ever get away from._ _

__

By the time she got to university, finally escaping her mother for a life of her own, in one solid place, she thought _surely_ this had to be it. But alas she found her days of higher education passing by in almost an instant, with nothing much to show for them except the fancy diplomas and a Yale sweatshirt. 

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____Taking the job at Interpol was her way of giving up any chance of having a home. May as well travel the world and take the most dangerous missions when there are agents who actually have people who’d miss them - was her thinking. Which had led her to the life she’d had in France. Ironically, on the outside it seemed the most domestic and grounded. Of course it was the one that plagued her nightmares the most. That in particular felt like a sick cosmic joke._ _ _ _

__

____She’d been with this new team now for around a year. There’d been moments over that time where she’d found herself thinking overly sentimental thoughts; ones like, maybe I’ve found my place, maybe I’ve found my people. She’d shot those thoughts down quicker than she could pull a trigger._ _ _ _

__

These moments always caught her off guard, despite their increasingly frequent nature: a few weeks in when they went out for drinks to that bar and it was all abnormally social and _fun,_ or a few months later when the oldest of the team set up an old movie projector in his office, and they all tumbled in, throwing popcorn and giggling like school children. Or when she was asked to her first girls’ night at Penelope Garcia’s humble abode to get blackout drunk on margaritas (that was the intention anyway, but it was still too early for Emily to let down her guard like that, lest she let slip all her deep, dark secrets). 

__

Even the seemingly small moment when none other than Derek Morgan had revealed himself a lover of one of her favourite novels. Of course that had occurred just seconds after she declared herself not wanting to get too personal with these people she didn’t yet know: another cosmic joke. Or maybe, just _maybe,_ the universe was really trying to tell her something? 

__

She tried not to let herself get carried away. In fact, it was against her nature and her defence mechanism automatically kicked in, reminding her of how _nothing lasts, everybody leaves, you’re not worth this kind of love._

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__________But then this case landed on her desk. And she lost herself for a moment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

She’d never seen herself as a mother. That had been clear even before Rome. She wasn’t quite sure the reason. In her preteen years it had just been something she never thought about – which was normal to her, she was _twelve,_ as she’d communicate to any group of girls she ended up getting into this conversation with. 

__

Why was how big a house you’d have, and how many kids you wanted and what kind of _man_ you’d marry things twelve-year-old girls were so concerned about? Of course she knew those last two points went hand in hand. That was what she’d thought at the time anyway. And she already knew deep down that because of her lack of interest in the former, the latter would never be an option for her. 

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______________Rome had been a whirlwind of a mistake, tangled up in loneliness and self hate. She already knew who she was. She thought she’d always known really. But she’d found herself in a place where she thought she could finally make real friends. And one of them just happened to be someone who wanted her. Was she really in the position to ruin that, to lose her place in this group she’d become a part of? They were already friends. Maybe she could be different. It would certainly make things easier if it worked out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________And so she’d made a terrible mistake, she knew that immediately. Then again, could she call it a mistake when it truly clarified her identity? This was something she told herself to try to ease the pain of it all. Whether she wanted kids, in any capacity, she wasn’t sure. But she knew that she didn’t want them in that way, and certainty not at that time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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She was always career driven, desperate to prove herself. Career women didn’t want kids, right? She sometimes wondered why her own mother had had any -which she knew a therapist would dive right into. Was that the reason? Did she just not want that for her life? Whenever asked she gave the same response, even to this day: It was just something she didn’t think about – something people (her mother) couldn’t accept. _How can it be something you just don’t think about?_ Especially at her age – was heavily implied. 

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________________But then here she was, offering to adopt a child she’d just met. She’d always been a protector, sometimes to a fault. Was this a newfound motherly instinct, a desperate need for a family and to have someone that wouldn’t leave her? Or simply her protector role gone rogue? Once again, she didn’t like to think about it.  
________________

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___* * *_ _ _

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________________It had started out like any other case really: gruesome photos, a slew of murdered families, a mid to late twenties, white male unsub just asking to be psychoanalysed. When they profiled the victims to be middle class, happy suburban families – PTA mums and flannel-wearing dads – Emily couldn’t help but think how her own family would be the last on the hit list._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________The first moment anything out of the ordinary occurred was when JJ came into the precinct to report that there’d been another attack, and that an ambulance was on its way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________“Ambulance?” she asked, surprise evident._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________“There’s a survivor?” came Hotch’s follow up question._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________A weak nod from JJ was their confirmation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________Emily immediately offered to join JJ at the hospital. It was like an instinct._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________As they followed the doctor down the corridor, he explained how she was lucky to be alive. Emily responded with the same line of thought she’d had on the way there, that “this guy doesn’t miss.” Which begged the question of just how this girl had survived. When he informed them of how she was still drowsy and confused from the drugs, Emily admitted that, given what had happened, it was probably best._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________Emily started by going through the motions, following protocol of questioning the witness on the events and asking for any descriptions of the unsubs. By this point it was such a natural routine for her. She’d learned how to distance herself from the emotion of it all. She was able to do this by reminding herself of the job she had to do, and how them catching the suspect and preventing more suffering relied on her detaching herself, keeping a clear head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________JJ was sat next to the girl’s bed, closer and blatantly more maternal. This was usually the role she adopted. She was there to offer support, Emily to get information. It was only when the girl mentioned her dad that she felt her face fall, and the weight of what had happened to this girl, how her whole world had ended, fell on her shoulders. She couldn’t help the near look of horror that crossed her face when she croaked out “they made us watch.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________JJ cut in to tell her they could take a break, but the girl refused, tears in her eyes but insisting that they needed this information. As she continued to force her way through the events, Emily followed suit and switched her brain back into focus. She needed to catch whoever had done this._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________* * *_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________A somehow off colour of coffee dripped into a polystyrene cup, agonisingly slowly. Emily watched each drip, trying to slow her heart to the same pace. She was trying to clear her mind at the same time, to slow the racing thoughts that were getting her nowhere in this case. She needed to be objective or she was never going to catch them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________“Damn, I was gonna ask for one too but looks like we’ll be here ‘till Friday.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________Emily jumped, uncharacteristically caught off guard. JJ noticed and eyed her carefully._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________“Uh, yeah,” Emily cleared her throat as she tried to gain what little composure she had left._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________JJ gave her a comforting smile and Emily felt herself relax just a little._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________“Suppose it’s kind of nice to have a break. This one’s…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________She didn’t need to finish her sentence. Emily was just glad she wasn’t alone. Hell, JJ seemed to be coping better than her. In that case, she was thankful the blonde was empathising._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________“You think you’ve found a new lead?” JJ asked tentatively, not sure if keeping her mind occupied was how Emily wanted to cope._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________Emily sighed long and low. “Maybe, I’m just trying to look at it from all angles.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________JJ nodded in understanding. Then she took a step forward to join Emily beside the beat up coffee machine. She watched the viscous liquid drip into the cup, which seemed to be getting even slower._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________“Well looks like you’ve got some time.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________Emily looked to her and was met with another smile, one full of compassion. They didn’t say anything else, just stayed there until both their cups were full. Emily wondered if this was what people meant by a comfortable silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________* * *_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________Spencer suggested they release news of her survival to draw the unsub out, but Emily flinched at the mere thought. Hotch noticed and asked her if she wasn’t comfortable with that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________She hesitantly agreed. “Okay, but I would be more comfortable if we doubled her security.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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________________She was back at the hospital when JJ came to meet her in the corridor. She informed her that the girl had been cleared to go._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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“Well I wish she _had_ somewhere to go,” JJ admitted despondently. 

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__________________Emily sighed in frustration. “No luck with the LA thing? Can’t this girl catch a break?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________They started down the corridor together, Emily not knowing what to tell this girl. It was in that moment that a deafening scream sounded, and her and JJ shared one quick look before breaking out into a run._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________JJ reached her first, holding her shoulders and telling her that it was okay. Emily hovered, watching in fear as the girl explained the nightmare she’d had, and JJ pulled her into her chest. She was so glad JJ was there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________“We brought you a change of clothes,” Emily offered meekly, as if that would help._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________The girl gave a distracted nod. JJ caught her attention again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________“I didn’t know what to grab you, so I just got three of everything,” she said with a smile. Emily was in awe of this woman, and again thanked god she was here._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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__________________The girl seemed to smile for a moment before saying “from the house?” - a snap back to reality. Even JJ struggled to maintain her smile then. Emily looked behind her towards the collection of flowers decorating the back wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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“Looks like a flower shop in here,” she observed, trying to grasp a somewhat upbeat tone. It was silly really. But then something clicked, and she was back into detective mode. _Thank Christ._

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____________________* * *_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________Then came the moment they needed the girl’s assistance to help solve the case. And she hated it. God did she hate it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________“Is she going to be up for it?” Hotch asked. Even he was having his doubts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________“I don’t know,” was Emily’s reply as she rushed to meet the girl in question, who’d just walked into the precinct._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________She stood with her while she picked out mug shots, so close; almost as if she was worried she’d fall down and was getting ready to catch her. She couldn’t remember her voice sounding smaller than when she asked, “Are you sure?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________The girl really did look like she was going to faint then. When she didn’t say anything else, Emily tried to think of something comforting._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________“Your parents would be really proud of you,” she offered with a smile, placing an arm on her back. It was such an unexpected move for her, but it felt right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________“It’s too late to be a good daughter now,” was the flat response she got._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________“Oh that’s not true,” she insisted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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____________________But she wouldn’t hear it. “I was horrible to them and now they’re gone.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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Emily was sure this might have been a sign from the universe: _call your emotionally distant mother! Tell her you love her!_ But all she felt was pain for this girl in front of her. And that she deserved better. Then again, maybe this was just projecting onto her own wishes for herself. 

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______________________But then the girl spoke again, and she was saved from that particular line of thought._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Why did they do it? I mean there has to be a reason right?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Emily’s face grew soft yet again. “Oh you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the reason.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“I go crazy every time I close my eyes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Emily knew she shouldn’t elaborate, but she found herself doing so anyway; like she’d try to help this girl process in any way she knew how._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“It may have something to do with what happened to them when they were younger.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________She felt JJ watching them across the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Like what, they were abused or something?” the girl asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“There’s a good chance,” Emily admitted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Are there any happy families?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________She finally looked up at Emily, who felt her mouth fall open, searching for the right response. This girl really wasn’t asking the right person. All she could do was offer a sympathetic look. She almost felt like calling JJ to take over._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________* * *_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Emily and Hotch went to the animal shelter where the unsub worked, then his foster mother’s house. She felt an immediate sense of unease as they stepped inside. It spiked when a boy came in wanting milk but was swiftly banished. She forced a thank you as they left. Their priority right now was to catch the unsub. Which they soon did - one of them anyway. However, they were getting nowhere with the interrogation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Emily watched from the other side of the glass and sighed, almost in defeat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Kids who grew up like he did, they’re incapable of forming attachments, it’s not like we’re going to earn his trust.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________She felt a knot in her stomach as she said the words. It tightened when she had her next thought._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Maybe he’ll talk to family.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________She had hated asking Carrie to identify the unsub’s picture; this was on a whole other level. As they led the girl into the interrogation room, Emily emphasised how safe she would be, that she would be right there with her. And then there was JJ, saying how she didn’t have to do it if she didn’t want to. But as Emily expected, she insisted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Hotch ran off a list of information they were looking for, which Emily could tell was overwhelming her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“I’ll keep him on point about that. Just do your best to keep him engaged,” Emily encouraged._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Hotch led her away and JJ reached out for Emily’s arm._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Okay, I’m sorry, can we just stop and think about this for a minute?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Almost instinctively, Emily felt her own hand reach out towards the other woman’s elbow - like magnets._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“She’ll be okay,” she promised, voice soft._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“She’s a kid,” was JJ’s reply, a disbelieving smile on her face. “What is she trying to prove here?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Emily’s face fell. “That she can be a good daughter.” She said the last word almost bitterly._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________JJ’s expression of frustration shifted to one of intrigue, maybe even concern. She could tell the statement held more of a story than Emily was willing to let on in that moment. She could only hope that one day she’d feel comfortable enough to open up to her - to any of them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________As Emily led Carrie into the room, and the unsub greeted her joyously, the girl looked to her for guidance. Emily gave her a small nod of encouragement and they both sat down. God she hoped she wasn’t making a mistake. It was hard enough for her, with years of training and experience, to treat these people like they were just that – people. Asking an innocent girl who’s family had just been wiped out by the very one sitting in front of them? God she hoped this worked._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________She felt her heart stop when Carrie reached across the table for his hand. This girl was so strong. She knew that was a cliché and so much more than anyone should ask of someone else. But she was. And they managed to find out the location of the second unsub because of it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Once she snatched her hand back and he was escorted out of the room, she fell into Emily’s shoulder, finally breaking down. Emily brought her arms around her and whispered soothing words: “you did so good.” Had she done the same though? Even though it had the desired outcome, she still found herself hoping that it was the right thing to do._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________* * *_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________They narrowly avoided a shootout at the doughnut shop – not something Emily expected to find herself thankful for today – and she was smiling down at the two kids in the back of the car who they’d saved. She overheard Derek on the phone, asking if there was some type of alternative for them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“What is it?” she asked, eyebrows raised._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Derek was stone faced. “Social services won’t intervene until they do a full investigation.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“We have to take them home?” she felt sick even saying the words._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Yeah.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________When they arrived back at the house, Emily helping the girl with her backpack, she saw Derek offering his card to the boy, telling him he could call him anytime. Derek, like JJ, was made for this - helping kids. She merely offered her own nod of support as she joined them. Seeing the kid upstairs staring out the window despondently, she sighed, “this sucks,” which was a massive overstatement._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________The call from Hotch came too late._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Gunfire sounded from the house and Emily and Derek shot out of the car in a flash. Derek smashed the door in to reveal the foster mother lying on the floor, Tyler standing a few feet away, gun grasped in his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Are you hurt?” Emily demanded from the mother. She shook her head no, and Derek cautiously approached the boy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Emily surveyed the scene and bullet-ridden pictures revealed the only damage caused._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“They’re lies,” Tyler bit out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Emily knew all about that. Granted, not to the degree that the boy in front of them did. But she knew about big houses adorned with pictures of smiling families. All for show. Emily forced to sit for every family portrait, and wear a dress she all but ripped off afterwards. Pictures like these made a house even colder than they would be without: a house, but not a home._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“I know,” Derek responded to the boy, “But you could have come in here and you could have made her pay.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________He glanced to the woman currently lying on the floor. “And you didn’t, because you’re good. You’re not Gary. You’re nothing like him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Derek then spread his arms in a gesture of surrender. “Look at me. I don’t want to hurt you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Emily held stiff as he holstered his gun and continued to talk the boy down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Okay? Let’s make a deal. Give me that gun. I promise I will walk you out of here and you will never have to come back.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________It was those words that seemed to break through the fog behind the boy’s eyes, a new life igniting in them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Sound pretty good?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________He gave the slightest nod, and Emily could see the tears in his eyes. Still she daren’t move until the gun was safely retrieved by Derek. When he passed it to her and brought the boy into his arms in a tight hug, she finally exhaled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“I got you,” he promised and Emily could feel the relief from the boy too._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________* * *_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________It was after, when they were tidying up at the precinct, that Emily made the offer. Which felt more like a confession._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“I could take her,” she said to Hotch, impossibly casual as she sorted through files._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________He looked up, trademark frown appearing. “Take her?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Carrie,” Emily supplied, and then, as if it were obvious, “to DC.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“You mean to live with you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Yeah,” she confirmed, still busying herself with collecting files._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Hotch on the other hand didn’t let his eyes leave her, like he was profiling her. “Why would you want to do that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________Again, Emily made it seem like it was the most obvious course of action._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“I have room, money,” she said with almost a shrug of her shoulders. “And you know, she’s smart; two, three years she goes to college.” So maybe that last bit was overkill._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“Prentiss.” The tone and use of her name made her look up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“This is the job, and I need to know that you can be objective.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________It was terribly patronising, and Emily found it not only offensive, but also a slap to the face - like it was a personal assault on her character. But of course she would never admit that hurt out loud. Instead she took that fire and turned her response into an attack._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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______________________“And I need to know that I can be human.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________________There was a long moment before Hotch continued. “JJ heard from the family and they’re on their way from LA.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________________Another slap to the face. This time she felt incredibly stupid. And all the more so for Hotch letting her explain herself before telling her this information._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________________“Oh.” She didn’t think her voice had sounded so weak in one mere syllable._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________________The pity, verging on concern, on Hotch’s face didn’t help._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________________She forced a smile. “That’s great.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

For a fleeting few moments it seemed like her life was about to change, that she was going to be someone different. More importantly, that she believed she could be someone different: someone capable of looking after someone else, someone that they would need. She wasn’t quite sure what had come over her, an insane adrenaline rush? Nonetheless, it was just that – a fleeting moment. And all too soon she was back to being the person she always knew herself to be. It felt like a sign from the universe: _you’re not someone anyone needs._

__

________________________Except then came another moment, one that felt the opposite of fleeting. No, this settled deep inside of her with a warmth that was entirely foreign._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________________They were flying back on the jet, everyone exhausted from the emotional toll of the case. Emily had been quick to take her seat and busied herself with staring out the window, not in the mood for conversation. She couldn’t sleep, as was common. As much as she wanted to she couldn’t turn her thoughts of, as she’d become such an expert at. The sound of Hotch calling his son didn’t help matters. Like it was a taunt. What had been so special about this case? What had made her make such an embarrassment of herself, to think she was worthy of such a life? What had changed?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

JJ slipping into the seat opposite her was welcome company. She couldn’t help the small smile that crossed her face before turning back to the window. _Comfortable silence,_ she recalled. Or, better yet, comforting. 

__

__________________________“You okay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________Or maybe not so silent._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________Feeling caught, Emily blinked and lifted her head. Even now, a year of case after case, she still felt her breath catch every time their eyes met. JJ could see the silent question in those big brown eyes, reminding them both that JJ could not in fact read the other woman’s mind (although the years to come would test that theory greatly)._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________The weak “yeah” Emily offered didn’t sound convincing in the least._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________JJ nodded, even though concern was still very evident. Emily appreciated her going along with the lie._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________“They’re good people,” JJ said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________Emily frowned before JJ continued with “Carrie’s family,” and she sighed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________“Good. I’m glad.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________And despite her own feelings, she was. Except now it was harder for her to keep up the façade._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________“I think it’s a good idea though.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________“What’s that?” the words sounded tired, because she was. But also curious._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

__________________________“You,” JJ explained, and Emily frowned. “Kids.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

Emily gave a soft laugh, so close to a scoff, entirely disbelieving. Had she been so obvious? She hoped this wasn’t the new gossip among the entire team. _Hey, the new girl’s trying to fill the aching hole in her life with any child without a home, better keep an eye on her!_

__

____________________________But she knew JJ had a certain way of reading her that the others didn’t. Despite being the non-profiler on the team, she could see into Emily’s mind in a way that almost scared her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

____________________________“I can see it,” JJ continued, words earnest. Emily turned back to face her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

____________________________There was no doubt that the next “yeah?” she let out was the weakest she’d sounded all day, voice close to breaking. She couldn’t help it; she felt completely cut open in that moment, all vulnerabilities on display for the woman in front of her. It was an alien feeling, but not entirely unwelcome._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

She held her gaze, eyebrows upturned with the silent question of, _you think I’m worth that kind of love?_ She hoped not bleeding through. 

__

______________________________The way JJ was watching her - finger pressed to her bottom lip, eyes sparkling with something she couldn’t quite pinpoint - Emily felt her heart flutter. It certainly wasn’t the first time the blonde had had that effect. But this had a different weight behind it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________________________There was something so deliberate about that moment. And just for those few seconds, everyone else on the plane dissipated. There was only this woman in front of her, telling her she was worthy of everything she never dared hoped for: a family, a home. A voice in the back of her head told her to slow down, to push these thoughts away like she had so many times. But in that moment, with this woman looking at her the way she was, she found herself unable to. For once, she found herself daring to hope._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________________________Emily Prentiss had never been one to set up roots. Because she knew any kind of home she’d try to build would inevitably come crashing down. It was just what happened for her. But in that moment, staring out a tiny plane window into the night sky, she let herself dream of a life she’d never before thought she could have. That one day she could build a home._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is a new series I'm starting! I really wasn't sure where to start but going through my playlist seemed like a good idea! I'm going to try to make it as ordered as possible but obviously if songs come up that fit certain moments they'll be jumbled about. This one feels lazy since a lot of it was just taking dialogue from the episode, but hopefully you still enjoyed it!
> 
> (also writingatlast was inspired by sleeping at last, expect more from them)


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